


The Situation Room

by lover_44



Category: Actor RPF, Chronicles of Narnia RPF, Social Network (2010) RPF
Genre: Beware, Crack, Help, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, This Is STUPID, Why Did I Write This?, also penises, lots of crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-16 22:24:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4642317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lover_44/pseuds/lover_44
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just some bad shit I wrote back in 2011. Beware its bad, like...riculously bad. And its not betaed, so IM SORRY OK</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Situation Room

It started out as a joke. Someonte tought it would be funny to send Ben into this room so just that he could find out that the door only opened from outside. Funny, really funny. He tought. He trew his chacterist “demon eyes” look. But there was no one else in the room so it didn’t have any efect. There wasn’t even a mirror so just he could look at himself and, you know, just be marginally good loking.

And then the door opened, and Ben smilled, reliefed that he would beout of that stupid room and spreading his prettiness to the world. Ultil the door closed again. And there was a very confused Chris Hemsworth stading in the middle of the room.

“Why are you here, mate?” Chris asked. “You closed the door, and now we’re locked in!” Ben said.

Chris scratched his blonde (and acurately trimed) beard and went to the door. He closed his giant hands around the door knob and tried to pull. Doing all this noises and good looking faces and bending his huge arms. Much like that scene on Thor. Or something. He sighed loudly, going to Ben.

“We’re locked in” He said, sadly while turning to face Ben “Ouch! You poked me!” Ben said, looking at Chris “You poked me with what?”

“Sorry, mate” Was all Chris said. And then looked down (in between his legs), smiling loopsided.

Oh. It was all Ben tought. He also tought Dont stare, i’ts unpolite!Don’t stare! And he tried not to (and failled). Until the door opened again, and Chris launched himself for the knob, only he wasn’t fast enough and ended up knocking Garret into the door. Wich clicked shut one more time.

“Jesus Christ and Marry Chain! Wath the fuck is this poking me?” Garret mumbled,  “Sorry! Sorry!” It was all Chris said while he finally managed to catch himself and, well, stop poking Garret. With his penis.

“Jesus! Just stay in that corner, Chris. Please, stop the poking” Ben said, frustraded. The room was starting to get too small with too many beautiful people.

It was like a conspiration. To lock all the beautiful man to walk the face of Earth in the same room. Maybe if they were lucky enough sooner or later someone will take off some clothes. Or all of it. Ben didn’t really had time to think about it because Chris was in his corner, mumbling abou beeing sorry and not beeing his fault that he kept poking everybody. And Garret had started singing some awful country music. And the door was opening again.

It was Armie Hammer. Of course it was Armie Hammer. Al they needed now was a troll that deliberated closed the door even though there we three people screaming for him not to.

“Guuys! What’s this? A party?” Said Armie, all joy and huge arms everywhere while he walked to Chris. “You poked me! Armie! You poked me!” Said Chris, much too joyful for someone who just have been poked by another man. With his penis.

Ben  just roled his eyes and mumbled great, they just found each other.Sudenly Garret was by his side, speaking in that low hum of voice with a heavy southern draw. This reaunion of very pretty people was starting to get really weird. In more than one ways.

“It’s like…they’re not even humans! How come they can walk and don’t loose balance?” Garret said. Only to start singing another awful country song right after.

Ben was about to give up and be the first one to take his clothes off when a very distracted Taylor Kitsch walked straight into the room and didn’t even gave time to anyone else before he closed the door and started to undo his pants. Armie cheered and started to undi his as well, and it was only then that Taylor realized where he was.

 “Oh. This…isn’t the bathroom” Taylor said. Sounding more Canadian than ever. “He said that this was the bathroom. But it’s not” and concluded. “Cleaver observation, Sherlock” Ben mumbled, making Taylor start a frentic string of apologies. It was in his canadian blood to be so polite. Poor kid.

“Don’t be mean, Ben! Take your clothers off too!” Said Armie, alredy butt naked in the middle of the room. They were doomed if Chris started to take his clothes off as well. It would result in a Poking Parade. And of course it was exactly what happened. Chris took his clothes off and then Garret took his clothes off and even Taylor (who was still chanting apologies to everyone) took his clothes off. Well, Ben really had no other alternative besides take his clothes off as well, ok?

  And then, when they thought things couldn’t get more weird (or when things were starting to get good, whatever), the door opens again. This time in a rush. By no one other than Andrew Garfield and Jesse Eisenberg.Making out.Heavy. A very naked Armie launched himself at them, but Andrew had his Spider-sense alert (more like his Jesse-is-in-danger-sense) and immediatly steped in front of Jesse, who just hunched his shoulders and looked like a really frightened rabbit. So cute.

“You came to joing The Poking Club! This is great!” Said Armie, insistently cheerful, still trying to reach Jesse. “No one will poke Jesse besides me. Grrr!” Said Andrew in between Murderous Bambi and really angry-because-someone-deleted-his-Arcade-Fire-discography hipster Bambi.

   Taylor, for some reason, decided to take Armie’s pain and started to apologize even more, even reaching in his pants and writing a check just so Andrew and Jesse woudn’t be too upset. It took them a while to settle all the feelings floating around the room, but eventually, everthing was great. Chris and Armie started to make out. Garret soon followed, only making small breaks to sing a tune or two of a country song. Ben had to take his time with Taylor because of all the “I’m Dimitri Belikov” thing. But they managed to push aside the love-hate relationship and joined the others.

   Even Jesse and Andrew were in they’re own little corner, between looking at each other tooth-achingly sweet and making out heavly. Everything was great and nothing hurted. Until Timbalone bursted into the room and everyone was dead still.

“Hi, guys! Can I join the partaaay?” He said, extading the last syllable like if he was singing it. Anoying. Really anoying.

  And in a thousand miles radius everyone could hear the loud chorus of “NO!”. A chorus so strong that managed to open the door and push Timbalone out of the room. They were no longer locked in, the door was open, they were all naked and somewhere in the building James Franco was laughing so hard that he choked on his joint.

                                 

 


End file.
